Nothing but the blood of Jesus

Broken, broken is the world. And bad things are happening to good people because of that brokenness.  We long, we moan, we feel irritated by every day we didn't reach the goal. We sacrifice our health and other resources in order to get a micro tiny bit closer to that goal. - Rest. That goal is rest. We think of luxurious landscapes and fashionable hotels. We imagine a perfect cocktail and maybe a one-night perfect human. We daydream of unending finances and head -spinning fame. We think of the time when we finish college, when we get married, when we divorce, when we earn our first million, when we get rid of an addiction, when we have a house, when we kill ourselves, when we donate all wealth to the poor... and then we find rest. Methods can very. But the goal is one - finding rest. Obtaining rest. 

Little do we know, that that "secret power" that we take as a force power to take great decisions and do great actions, primarily and originally was for us to find rest. We all contain that "secret desire" to be known, be accepted, be understood, be loved. Both of those, the power and the desire, are primarily and originally pointing us to our Comforter - Jesus Christ. By Him and His sacrifice we live. Live as we "programmed" to live: be known, be accepted, be understood, be loved.

He is our rest. And He is that way because when we accept Him we do find rest. Suddenly it feels like everything in life is solved. It seems like all is good and I can go through anything. It gives such an encouragement that forces us to be inspired. And by that inspiration I mean knowing that we are loved. And when I personally know that I am loved - I feel at peace. I feel that I can rest. 

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More of Jean A Lamborn art work

"For those who think they don't measure up"

I found this book yesterday. It was in a box on the high table in our big corridor at YWAM Boston base. The box had a note "for anyone who claims". There were different things, like creams, tooth paste, some photo book, and this book. It says "Grace" on the title. And subtitle is "For those who think they don't measure up". I took a few things, I also took that book.
For a few years I've been curious about grace. I don't remember when it had started and how, but I remember reading "What's so amazing about grace?" as my steps towards discovering this thing, grace.

So I took this book and squeeze it in between my many books I already have. I left it there for a day and tonight I read first chapter of it. It took me not much time, it felt like that. The author writes in such an easy, conversational manner, I almost talk the same way that he writes.

And the message of the first chapter is about all of us not deserving nothing and anything at all but we still get something good.

Before starting this book I felt a flow of irony and numbness in my mind and heart. I prayed for God to help me stop complain and be grumpy inside all the time, that I am tired to be that way for a year already. I knew myself differently before November last year. I want to rebuild myself.

So I prayed in expectation.

With all the traveling that is coming up in just 7 days I already feel sad leaving Ukraine not even being there yet. I know it will be quick. And I don't want to miss anything and anyone. I want this time to be tremendous and awesome. Heavy with sweet memories and amazing fellowship and experiences.

It makes me feel all sorts of stuff. I have mixed feelings going to visit home. That's right, visit. Not go back, as I always did. Now my home feels so distant. And so do the people I grew up with in all sorts of meaning. I also feel pressed down by not knowing what next year would look like.

And still, I am just here and in this day. Still having this day needs. And prayers. Yet hopes.
I want to experience grace. I want to radiate it. I want to be that person whose heart is all about grace. Grace as He taught us. As He showed us. He was so attractive to people who clearly in our opinion doesn't deserve grace. I want to drop this nagging prideful attitude towards whoever: Christian friend, a guy that smokes by a store, my fellow missionaries, a lady that is largely overweight, roommates, pastor, parents, my ex friends.. I want grace. For all. And for me on the first place.