Nothing but the blood of Jesus

Broken, broken is the world. And bad things are happening to good people because of that brokenness.  We long, we moan, we feel irritated by every day we didn't reach the goal. We sacrifice our health and other resources in order to get a micro tiny bit closer to that goal. - Rest. That goal is rest. We think of luxurious landscapes and fashionable hotels. We imagine a perfect cocktail and maybe a one-night perfect human. We daydream of unending finances and head -spinning fame. We think of the time when we finish college, when we get married, when we divorce, when we earn our first million, when we get rid of an addiction, when we have a house, when we kill ourselves, when we donate all wealth to the poor... and then we find rest. Methods can very. But the goal is one - finding rest. Obtaining rest. 

Little do we know, that that "secret power" that we take as a force power to take great decisions and do great actions, primarily and originally was for us to find rest. We all contain that "secret desire" to be known, be accepted, be understood, be loved. Both of those, the power and the desire, are primarily and originally pointing us to our Comforter - Jesus Christ. By Him and His sacrifice we live. Live as we "programmed" to live: be known, be accepted, be understood, be loved.

He is our rest. And He is that way because when we accept Him we do find rest. Suddenly it feels like everything in life is solved. It seems like all is good and I can go through anything. It gives such an encouragement that forces us to be inspired. And by that inspiration I mean knowing that we are loved. And when I personally know that I am loved - I feel at peace. I feel that I can rest. 

This picture above
More of Jean A Lamborn art work

"For those who think they don't measure up"

I found this book yesterday. It was in a box on the high table in our big corridor at YWAM Boston base. The box had a note "for anyone who claims". There were different things, like creams, tooth paste, some photo book, and this book. It says "Grace" on the title. And subtitle is "For those who think they don't measure up". I took a few things, I also took that book.
For a few years I've been curious about grace. I don't remember when it had started and how, but I remember reading "What's so amazing about grace?" as my steps towards discovering this thing, grace.

So I took this book and squeeze it in between my many books I already have. I left it there for a day and tonight I read first chapter of it. It took me not much time, it felt like that. The author writes in such an easy, conversational manner, I almost talk the same way that he writes.

And the message of the first chapter is about all of us not deserving nothing and anything at all but we still get something good.

Before starting this book I felt a flow of irony and numbness in my mind and heart. I prayed for God to help me stop complain and be grumpy inside all the time, that I am tired to be that way for a year already. I knew myself differently before November last year. I want to rebuild myself.

So I prayed in expectation.

With all the traveling that is coming up in just 7 days I already feel sad leaving Ukraine not even being there yet. I know it will be quick. And I don't want to miss anything and anyone. I want this time to be tremendous and awesome. Heavy with sweet memories and amazing fellowship and experiences.

It makes me feel all sorts of stuff. I have mixed feelings going to visit home. That's right, visit. Not go back, as I always did. Now my home feels so distant. And so do the people I grew up with in all sorts of meaning. I also feel pressed down by not knowing what next year would look like.

And still, I am just here and in this day. Still having this day needs. And prayers. Yet hopes.
I want to experience grace. I want to radiate it. I want to be that person whose heart is all about grace. Grace as He taught us. As He showed us. He was so attractive to people who clearly in our opinion doesn't deserve grace. I want to drop this nagging prideful attitude towards whoever: Christian friend, a guy that smokes by a store, my fellow missionaries, a lady that is largely overweight, roommates, pastor, parents, my ex friends.. I want grace. For all. And for me on the first place.

What's that in my hand?

She said "God knew."

By this story I am encouraged, and so I pass it on to you. 

We come to Him with many requests, expectations and wishes. We fantasize that the verses about our heart's desires will find their fulfillment immediately when we just tell them to God. But He, being a good parent, will withhold some things due His specific and perfect timing or, the opposite, He will not respond to those due their uselessness. 

Because He decides so.

***

Last week at the base I became a part and later a witness to some of God's work.

One of the staff girls, being lovely and obedient to God, got to taste His amazing  love for her. On Wednesday morning she got a gift - a travel mug that has her initials on it. In the afternoon she received a pack of her favorite flavor of hot cocoa chocolate. And in the evening someone secretly brought her a bag of marshmallows. Now these three people were not cooperating with each other and even didn't know that it had happened that way. 

Happy Her was enjoying the end of the day, when suddenly God literally stopped her to think again about what had happened during the day. "Well, I got a mug, I got hot chocolate and marshmallows... That's it!" - said Her in her mind, "God did just give me a mug, but He as well filled it with my favorite treats!"

Now let's see the backstage of that story: first, the "mug" person knew that She didn't have her own mug, second, the "hot chocolate" person knew that she likes it and now me, the "marshmallow" person, heard to get it for her.

The first point is the attention, the second is the response to a need, and the third - is obedience. 

Those three I am learning daily, and I fail, the One who is full of grace encourages me to continue on. He treats me and gives me a second chance. I would regret it if I wouldn't listen to the Voice, I would regret not being a part of His blessing to somebody else, because the Kingdom is to be a blessing in yourself.

Partnership for Missions

 

This is the east side of the United States.

This is me being happy to be here.
I moved to Boston to work with YWAM, and to also "replace" those missionaries who went to my country, Ukraine.












 

And this is a part of my splendid team that I work with. 

 

I am blessed so I may bless,

and so are you.

I wasn't a lost cause, and neither are they. I talked just to a few people here in Boston and felt this heavy cloud over their minds and, worse, hearts. Simple day to day life is chasing an imagined ideal, drawing a new mask and proving to your past that now you have grown tougher. The price of that won't matter, unless they reach the goal: to make themselves look better, but inside, becoming more and more...empty.
I did, and I certainly do feel empty when I shift my focus from my God. Fortunately, I know where to go back and what to go back to, I know what I shall fix and I know what to measure myself to. They don't. And once, you didn't either.

Here at YWAM Boston we aim to restore Art for God. My team itself is artful: we are from places all over, and it's His design. Right now the Lord put all kinds of us together so that we may reach a wider circle of people. You and I know it well - Jesus came out to people, and now the church should go out too.

I am very excited to be going to about 15 states this spring, within just a month and a little bit more. We will perform an art show, "Encounter," the story of life from its beginning, in contemporary language. I want to be that worker that goes out for a harvest. Do you want that as well? We both can make it work by being in partnership. I invite you to be a part of this by sending a money gift towards that. I am here to offer my full time schedule for the missions and I live on His provision, and I surely know that He does it through people, because our God is very social :)

The trip is $500, my rent is $450 and another $400 is for food, transportation and etc. for a month. When your money comes in it immediately sets me free for spending my time I could use to worry about money to come out to people who are not lost causes. I am excited to be doing this, because this is the reason I moved to the US.

I have been in missions for 6 years already just because someone came up to me and told me about Jesus. These missionaries, that are not yet missionaries, can spread into education systems, government, media, family, art, IT, health, economics...

I kindly thank you for your interest in missions by supporting it directly
at YWAM Boston (http://ywamboston.org/donate-pay.html) or myself personally through Paypal at oksana.kastanda@gmail.com.
If you also want to join in with your prayer support, please contact me about that.

"A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of." (John 10:10, MSG)

#Simple examples - Words

There's a board game I recently played, called The Resistance. Sounds quite heroic and revolutionary. Bad people are trying to bring down good ones. The rules let you defend yourself and hear what others say, and you may even debate to win to have good people win. However, the rules do not require you to speak out the truth. Let's say you are a civil citizen, you want your city to stay peaceful and here comes the spy and works against you. He covers himself by saying he is a good one and won't destroy the city. You, you work hard in your brain trying to find whether that's truth or not. However, even real civilians are being mistaken because of mistaken words they say in their defense.

 Like happened tonight.

A peaceful inhabitant, while being questioned by the city, spilled out "...we want to win," when shortly before he had been talking about the spies. His words immediately were interpreted as if he was speaking about the "we" being "spies". He lost the trust of the city. The spies won.

It's a simple example I say, but I analyze it and find it far more complicated because this is not a rare case to think of, but instead shows a bigger picture.

How important, heavy, and expensive our words can be. I treat them lightly. But I think of my God, "Who spoke the universe into the life", and here I find myself pondering on the cost I pay each time I am not careful with what I say. Hurt, misunderstanding, distrust, debt, disappointment, anger, falseness, envy... Those are what we produce with being not careful with our words.

Of course, during the day, on casual days, not that you're present at the very official events all the time, then of course we can say "oh yeah, definitely, you should be careful up there." But, wars can start behind the kitchen doors, at the market place, in dance halls...

There's no greater weight that we can put on somebody than by our words. 

So, are you giving someone a weight they can't pick up or a weight that keeps them healthy?

Christmas is His

Holidays!!!
And it's not just a random holiday, but is Birthday of the One who deserves life! Who is Himself a life, and life with abundance. And this life is with the capital L. The great one who is too awesome to be fully described on all the paper that the humanity ever produced!





Here is me reminding myself of existance of this blog and what is the most important is people who read it, all people I ever met, or even those that I never saw what color is their eyes.
It's great to be in Boston. It is very good to be in Colorado Spings for Christmas, again.
Such a relaxing time, valuing family time and settling in american culture, realizing and analyzing. Don't want to be absorbed by the rush of "to do for the sake of doing". As never before I am reevaluating the sense of time off, having a calm flow and friendly environment to work, and rest. People, please rest.
Rest is a blessing no less than good deeds, especially in our "faster, stronger, better" time, find yourself in God first, then go and turn this world upside down, for Him.

A month.

And this is... my faith receipt.
Amen.

So, since this is my blog, my property, I've got to be freely honest. And because I want to be honest.

I live in the US. The place that is very different to what I got used to, it is so various and big, and yeah.. I am glad to be here. I, definitely am.

Now, to avoid an "earning points" article, I must say that I currently am not on any of the ministries at the base, but, I am being blessed by the time when I can find myself out, what fits my gifts the best, rather than just do because of a "do".

People on the team are very hospitable. And it's not because before I came they've prepared a year supply of peanut butter for me, but because they daily were and are investing in my personality.

In fact, many people here were praying and believing God, were putting their efforts together. Ta daaaa!
There's one girl who's on DTS, and few weeks before I came, God put on her heart to pray for Ukraine. Such a random thing. It made sense for her when I arrived. And stories may go on...

I as well have a big switch to the money difference. Good food costs more than junk, public transport is for cost of a taxi ride back home, staff fee is bigger in 30 times comparing to what I had with YWAM Vinnytsia. Taxes! A new thing for me as well. Ogh. As well being a non-resident puts more pressure on me to be on-time and dollarr-to-dollar for payments so the government can be ok with me being here.

I saw how God was providing for me before, I am sure I am going to experience it now and on.

This move is a bigger step of faith, and therefore there going to be bigger miracles.

Speaking about that picture of a bank receipt above, ...I was shoked when I saw that. I didn't believe. I checked it again. Said the same thing. I just couldn't put this into my head. So... turned out, that amount is not in dollars, but uah, my currency, and that was the money I saved and brought with me to pay off the fees and have peace with that at least for a month-two. But. I like how it looks like, I stick it to my mirror, and now it is my faith receipt, that someday will actually mean, that the amount is in dollars, with that sum. Amen.

You know how it's not peaceful to be a foreigner? And to be so far from home, and be on depend of God and be not sure whom to ask for support and be thinking of "I need to get that money by Monday" instead of "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (Phlp. 4:8) And instead of "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them" (Eph. 2:10) be sitting and staring in a screen, trying to put all the words in a right order, make them sound lovely and holy, and influence people's minds with Godly things, when all I want is to be able to buy an organic bread and be not afraid of gaining a weight. 

Am I honest enough? I am not trying to be mean though, not at all. It is, when you are sipping coffee with your friend, you can tell him inner stuff, even if they are rough to hear, but you trust them enough to feel safe to do that. That is what I am trying to do here now. Other posts I am going to make will have it's own different purpose and manner of speaking, this time - this way. 

I do trust God, I thank Him for what I don't hold in my hands yet, but I know He will give it to me. 
Cos He always does, and this time He will be working with me in a new ways, that I am excited for, I am excited to see how God is going to glorify Himself through this my current situation. Amen.

Are you with me?

It's few weeks later after I wrote this but left outside of my attention.
It's a month term that I am here.
I am embracing life, I am recognizing the fact that I live in Boston.

Now, to prove once again to myself that God is good (I hear the choir in my ears responding to me "All the time!") I will open up my wallet.
PS. is money that much scary and not comfortable thing to talk about, like, for example, sex?
Anyway, as I said, it's a month time that I am here...And I surely see God in providing funds for me.
Now, here is a quote "Provision is for once, promise is for forever".

To go somewhere, you surely will pack and will make sure you got the neccessary things. Now, as a missionary, you surely shouldn't go without God's word to you that you can then, later, usee as your safe belt, to remind yourself onc again why are you here, hold God up to His word to you when it's hard, kinda thing.

"There will be times for "Ah no worries friends, I got money" and for "Oh.. I eat ramen nudles like 3 days in a row already...".. Now, is God in every of those situations? 

I thank God for my supporters even before I know they will be sending me money. I thank for people whom I have never saw or even knew before.

Big thing happened to me, according to the money topic,.. It just happened.
This Christmas I craved to be going to Colorado, I missed that place. Checking flight prices 5 days ago I was in ok mood to get that tickets, they were afordable. Then, when the time were cming closer to now, prices grew in 2 times more. Now I was not sure I am going to make it with my staff fee and be traveling... Tonight, God kinda said "If I want to do it, I will"

Have you read Job 38? You should, and right now. God is awesome there. He is so almighty, and sassy. Oh I like it!!! He is just....so attractive. So handsome and strong. Read it.

So tonight, I got in cash 400$.... Of course it's God, through people who are obedient. It is so beautiful. I believe I didn't look shocked or... amazingly happy. I didn't look like that, I felt to be frozen. I didn't know how to accept that ro show my appreciation of God in that moment. ... Sometimes I think I am so dry for emotions, sometimes I want to escape from my own emotions cos they are kust too much of them.

People.. God is providing.

My team here says to me "Please, don't rush to take any responsibility on yourself, your time for that will come later. Now, just embrace the life here. Meet people, get to know churches, find where is good lunch offer, bike up and down the hills. We want to take care of our new staff and prevent them from burning out from the day one. Do good one thing." (it sounds like that in my mind, it wasn't a literal quote)
And so by that, here I am thinking how to ask people to send me money, what FOR am I going to ask it?
And then I think, it's not the thing that makes me worthy of that 50$ once in awhile, but my identity, the person I am in God and what do we do together. If He says "rest" I will be resting, if He says "work" I will got myself up from bed to do that.

Now, What are this money are for? Of course, for missions, for peopel's salvation. Especially here, I heard and almost can feel it, Boston is so independent and locked in, they DO NEED JESUS. Even if I am looking out of the window and see the figure of the city and can hear it's whisper "We don't need you" it's a lie. It is a lie everywhere, Everywhere places need Jesus. And I am the first in the line to get Him, because I need Him, oh I need Him. I am fragile and so small... I like to be small to my God. "He is attracted to my weakness".

End.

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